Dust and Light

This post was written a couple of months ago, but it fits my current mood perfectly.

Dust and Light
or November 12, 2012

Today, yellow and gray.

Yellow leaves floating down to stick to
Gray pavement wet with cold morning rain,
     gray as it falls and clouds the yellow sun.
Yellow lines bright on the road to work,
     yellow letters - HEINE BROTHERS COFFEE -
          gray warm soy mocha latte under foam.

Yellow: seeing my father yesterday, broken foot on the mend.
Gray: when he spoke of his fraternity brother, newly dead,
     killed by a suicide no one could have predicted.
Yellow and gray: imagining Dad singing
     "Rainy Days and Mondays" by the Carpenters
          on this kind of day.

Gray mood that settles over R when he's
     tired, stressed, overwhelmed, distant, so
          removed, unavailable, gone...but
Yellow light he shone this weekend, happy to
     see friends, happy to live life,
          happy to be with me.

Gray - the space between pure dark [matter] and pure
     light of suns the size of billions of Earths,
Yellow - light of suns the size of billions of Earths
     that touches the edge of pure dark.

Yellow and gray, the knowledge that
     this is perhaps my only life to live
     (although I doubt this more each day as I redefine each moment "I," "life" and "to live");
          this is a miniscule point in time at the
               dawn of humankind;
     this Earth, if we don't kill it first, will die
          from maybe a meteor or a galaxy collision or a
               supergiant Sun that grows and eats planets
                    and it will happen within a couple billion years;
     this world contains as much mystery as the entire cosmos
          and we know it is precious, and we don't remember.

But at some point in time, all our atoms will no longer be ours;
     they will be part of a beautiful supernova
          nestled in the galaxy created by Milky Way and Andromeda,
               and we will inevitably be perfectly what we strive for now:
                    ego-less, equal, perfect love,
                         suspended in a swirl of gray and yellow
                              dust and light.